There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
