Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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