im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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