You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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