The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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