You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
