I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm always down for nudity.
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