all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
