the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
