I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
