Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
