i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize