Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
