It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
