I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize