all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize