just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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