There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
