My friends, they love my intelligence
Someone shit on the floor
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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