I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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