If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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