Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I party with great urgency now.
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