thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
