piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
