Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
