Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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