Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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