eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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