i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize