Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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