Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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