i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
