Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I smell stomach acid.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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