A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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