just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
