Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
