I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
