well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
