I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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