I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
