ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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