Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
