just come out here and I will go home with you...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
