also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They are going to name an STD after you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
