Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
