Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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