My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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