Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
