Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
