he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
