i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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