He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
