MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
