I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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