as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
