she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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