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We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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