hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
