Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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