bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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