Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Don't make out with my wife yet
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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