It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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