Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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