My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
