your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
