You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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