Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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