Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
