Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
