I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
home. puking in laundry basket.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
how does that bad decision feel?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
