Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
