So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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