I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
