I look better un-naked...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
