if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
