just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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